I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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