I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
