So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
