Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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