No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
