Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
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