if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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