that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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