Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
