After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
