shes about as inviting as chlamydia
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize