Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
