The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
