I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
