and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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