If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize