We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
