I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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