we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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