I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
