My cat gives me a boner
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize