so explain again why im purple
no
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
