His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My liver is preforming stress tests.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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