my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
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