dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
