my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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