Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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