Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
