i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
