that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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