"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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