I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
