Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
COCAINE IS GR8
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
