can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
