It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Randomize
