The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
i've created a new STD.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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