you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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