Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
