So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
