We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
