If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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