Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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