I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
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