You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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