i just wanna soil my oats bro
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
