brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
