I accidentally burped into my bong.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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