She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
