my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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