so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
