Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
