Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize