Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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