He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
