Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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