just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
