I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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