come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
