The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I want to be your penis for a week.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
