I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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