Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
